A Short Story Essay: Why is it always a Thursday?
She curled up into a ball waiting for the pain to subside. "Why is it not going away? Where did it come from? Why now?", she whispered between tearing eyes and sombre whimpers in her breathe.
She has seen better days and been trying to adjust to her new life. She wants the adjustment phase to be over, she wants to feel settled and breathe easy for once.
Instead, she begins to feel overwhelmed and anxious with every new task that arises. Every new bill, payment, expectation, and responsibility she finds herself having. "Why are learning curbs so necessary...can we not just have the lesson outcome installed in our minds?", a thought that peers into her mind.
As she walks down the halls of her office building they become narrow and twisted she goes blank, she wants to fall to the ground lay there for a while. She keeps walking to her destination in her dizzy blankness. She wants to give up as the dark hole inside her grows.
As she walks down the halls of her office building, she peers out the windows of the higher floors. A thought appears, "I could jump...it would be over, but I would be empty." She turns in toward her office to continue the tasks awaiting her at her desk. These tasks drown out the sorrows in her mind and the noise that fills her soul.
She wishes her days away and makes time pass her by with idle tasks that numbs her mind and binds her soul. Each day comes and goes. She forgets the details, the names and the faces of the people she meets. She escapes at the end of the day into her tiny apartment, called home. She locks the doors and takes a deep breath. She is in her personal marshmallow where she laughs and smiles at the music that fills her and the stories that consume her. She converses with herself over a glass of wine or a cup of tea. "My neighbours probably think that I'm crazy, but what the hell! It's my home too!"
She goes to sleep with worry of the day tomorrow, a dread fills her. "I don't want to face another day. I don't want to go to sleep knowing that another day awaits me. Another day where a thought of jumping through a window, drowning, or panic fills my mind." She sleeps easy for the most part, awaking through the night with cold sweats and memories sorting itself in the brain. Nightmares...again.
When the silence appears and the music stops, she begins to cry. A sorrowful and mourning cry from the depths of her soul. Why? Where does it come from?
The next day knocks at her door with rain and heavy clouds outside. She got up after much convincing. This is a familiar experience. She knows this struggle for many years now. She wants to be perfect. She wants to stop thinking like that. Perfection is an anxious lie that protrudes her mind and into her soul. "Let me breath!"
"I do not want to be like those who fill themselves with adventures and things with people who are fleeting. I seek meaning and meaning in my adventure. It has to be important to me...the adventure needs to be signficant"
"I am done wasting my time on things I will forget."
She begins the day. For once in the past month and half, the morning coffee tastes good and the cereal is warm. For once she walks through the park on her way to work and feels the winds on her skin and breathes it in deeply. For once in the past year she decided to let some one in, in the hope that she will be good enough for him. For once, she wants to embrace the colour filling her soul, because she knows that in the next month or two, this will happen again.
The world will become black and her only solace is the all consuming silence in which she gets lost in.
She has seen better days and been trying to adjust to her new life. She wants the adjustment phase to be over, she wants to feel settled and breathe easy for once.
Instead, she begins to feel overwhelmed and anxious with every new task that arises. Every new bill, payment, expectation, and responsibility she finds herself having. "Why are learning curbs so necessary...can we not just have the lesson outcome installed in our minds?", a thought that peers into her mind.
As she walks down the halls of her office building they become narrow and twisted she goes blank, she wants to fall to the ground lay there for a while. She keeps walking to her destination in her dizzy blankness. She wants to give up as the dark hole inside her grows.
As she walks down the halls of her office building, she peers out the windows of the higher floors. A thought appears, "I could jump...it would be over, but I would be empty." She turns in toward her office to continue the tasks awaiting her at her desk. These tasks drown out the sorrows in her mind and the noise that fills her soul.
She wishes her days away and makes time pass her by with idle tasks that numbs her mind and binds her soul. Each day comes and goes. She forgets the details, the names and the faces of the people she meets. She escapes at the end of the day into her tiny apartment, called home. She locks the doors and takes a deep breath. She is in her personal marshmallow where she laughs and smiles at the music that fills her and the stories that consume her. She converses with herself over a glass of wine or a cup of tea. "My neighbours probably think that I'm crazy, but what the hell! It's my home too!"
She goes to sleep with worry of the day tomorrow, a dread fills her. "I don't want to face another day. I don't want to go to sleep knowing that another day awaits me. Another day where a thought of jumping through a window, drowning, or panic fills my mind." She sleeps easy for the most part, awaking through the night with cold sweats and memories sorting itself in the brain. Nightmares...again.
When the silence appears and the music stops, she begins to cry. A sorrowful and mourning cry from the depths of her soul. Why? Where does it come from?
The next day knocks at her door with rain and heavy clouds outside. She got up after much convincing. This is a familiar experience. She knows this struggle for many years now. She wants to be perfect. She wants to stop thinking like that. Perfection is an anxious lie that protrudes her mind and into her soul. "Let me breath!"
"I do not want to be like those who fill themselves with adventures and things with people who are fleeting. I seek meaning and meaning in my adventure. It has to be important to me...the adventure needs to be signficant"
"I am done wasting my time on things I will forget."
She begins the day. For once in the past month and half, the morning coffee tastes good and the cereal is warm. For once she walks through the park on her way to work and feels the winds on her skin and breathes it in deeply. For once in the past year she decided to let some one in, in the hope that she will be good enough for him. For once, she wants to embrace the colour filling her soul, because she knows that in the next month or two, this will happen again.
The world will become black and her only solace is the all consuming silence in which she gets lost in.
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